Disappointment
I
Ray satas still as cold stone in the seat of the diner, waiting for her to return fromthe bathroom. He dared not breathe, northink of doing anything more than grip the edge of the table tightly with hiswet palms. He did not contemplate leaving,for he knew an important moment was at hand. A lone thought kept fighting to gain entrance to his mind and he knew,knew what she wanted even before he watched her gliding slowly towards him, herblue eyes sad and wet as if from crying. She looked paler than usual, but still looked beautiful to him, thesmallest of smiles forming upon her face as she slid into the booth oppositehim.
“Sorryto keep you waiting.” She said so softlythat he only felt her words. A teardripped out of her eye and she hurriedly brushed it away with the sleeve of herblack dress.
“It’sok, Rose. Tell me how you found me.” Ray said. He remained still, fighting the inner turmoil building in his stomachand rising in his blood.
“Italked to Sean, Ray.” She said. The words seemed to explain all, tell Rayevery bit of the story he expected to hear if he asked the next question. He tried to focus and took a slow deepbreath. He held it inside for a fewmoments, until he felt the pressure in his face.
“Why?” He asked simply. He felt faint as he exhaled and gasped forair.
The airfelt thick between them and silence took hold for some minutes. She looked away, more tears fighting down hercheek and she put her hand out towards him, which he took quietly and slowly,carefully placing his hand on hers.
“I’mpregnant.” Rose finally said. Her words felt like the color of steel uponhis ears and he recoiled as if she slapped him. He jerked his hand away from her and pushed himself as far back in thebooth as the ragged green cushions allowed.
“I can’tbreathe.” He said to her, once againgripping the table’s edge for support.
“Not thereaction I hoped to receive.” She said,fighting tears again. She balled a handinto a fist and smacked it softly against the table, her eyes closed. Ray looked around the diner; they werealone. He couldn’t even see the waitressthat took their order.
“Give mesay ten seconds to process this information. We were only together for one night, so forgive me.” He said. He felt a flare of anger in his blood.
“So you’rea man now, not the writer that can fall in love at first sight?” She said with a sneer twisting her red plumplips. She ran a hand through her blondecurls, all the while her eyes attempted to bore holes into him, seeds of energytrying to imprint on his soul.
“Do notmock me. Nothing can break or changewhat happened between us that night.”
“Saveyou never speaking to me again.” She cutin quickly and angrily, her voice rising dangerously.
“What doyou want from me?” He yelled. The waitress peaked out of the kitchen at himbefore quickly disappearing.
“Marryme.” She said.
“Marryyou?” He repeated.
“Yes.”
“Thisisn’t 1965.” He said, regretting it theminute the words were spoken. She crossedher arms and stared at him once more, as if waiting for him to retract hisstatement. He sighed in frustration andran a hand over his cropped head. “Doyou really want to get married?”
II
The manfell silent and slumped into his chair. Hiseyes seemed to sink into the sockets as if trying to disappear. The girl looked around her, as if waking froma dream. She moved her chair closer tothe table and reached her hand towards the man, touching him softly, trying towake him from his reverie.
“Ray?”The girl asked softly, her pretty blue eyes shining in the bright sun ofsummer.
He focusedupon her once more and frowned, his hand rubbing his beard with nervous contemplation.
“What?” He asked, almost as if he’d forgotten herpresence. He looked at her hand upon hisand back up to her eyes.
“If youwant to take a break, do so.” She saidsoftly.
“No.” He responded quickly. “I will tell it to you. I want to be done with this and get it overwith before I lose my nerve. It has justbeen a long time since I heard my name is all.”
She lookedat him, confusion sweeping over the delicate features of her tiny face. She waited for him to continue, not wantingto say anything to make him turn back from the story.
III
I didn’twant to see my father and I didn’t want to have a wedding. I simply wanted to get it all over with asquickly as possible and be married. Let’sget on with the misery I told her as we discussed the plans later in theweek. It took me a few days to grasp itall, to accept fate, but once I did I pushed hard to bend Rose to myplans.
Irefused to speak with my father and let Rose handle what arrangements I toldher to make with him, which solely involved money.
“He paidfor everything without question or demands.” She said the night before we were to be married. We lay naked together in my bed, smoking andstaring at the darkened television screen.
“Fatherof the year.” I said with derision as I feltsleep coming for me slowly. “Wake me intime to shower before the flight.”
“I will.” She promised. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and shut off the lamp.
We leftearly for the airport, before the sun turned hot and before my cell began tobuzz with texts messages from all she explained the plan to over the last fewdays. Did they think I’d change mymind? I’ll always be amazed by howlittle the people who surround us know the inner truth of our being.
I slepton the plane, as if mentally trying to shorten the hours until the ordeal, I meanwedding, could end. We walked in silencethrough the airport and out into the heat of summer to meet the limousine myfather had dutifully provided.
The heatslammed into my cheek and the sun gouged at my eyes as we waited for our driverto pull closer to the curb. We got intothe car without waiting for the driver get out of the car seeing as we had onlyone shoulder bag each. And as I’ve said,I wanted it to be over.
The drivermade his way casually through the city, almost as if to give us opportunity totake in the sites. However, neither ofus felt inclined and I simply stared into her eyes for the duration of thetrip.
After gettingthe marriage license at the courthouse, the limo finally came to a stop outsideThe Little White Wedding Chapel on Las Vegas Blvd. I closed my eyes before opening the door,gathered my courage and stepped into the heat of high noon.
IV
“Whathappened?” The girl asked. Ray looked at her and shook his head slowly,trying to gather his thoughts.
“When itcame time I said I do and she said something along those lines.” Ray said witha grin.
“Comeon!” She exclaimed, lightly slapping thetop of his hand. “You can’t do that tome mid story. I want to hear it all.”
“I’m notskipping over anything important. We haveall watching weddings on television. I’msure you can fill in the blanks.”
“Boo.” She said, smiling. Ray hushed her with a sharp glance.
V
The limo took us to the HardRock Hotel and Casino. I think we pickedthe room based on the availability of a balcony. Rose complained of nausea, so I brought herup to the room. I felt energy pulsingthrough my veins and a nervous excitement to see something, do something.
“Go downand blow some of your father’s money.” Shesaid to me, kissing me gently on the cheek.
I tookher in my arms, squeezing her tightly. Ikissed her, parting resistant lips that tasted like strawberries.
“I’llsee you in a few hours.” I said toher.
I tookthe elevator to the casino, the loud rock music lifting my spirits. I made for the poker room, hoping for someaction to clear my thoughts and provide distraction.
I played in silence fornearly an hour, drinking heavily of the complimentary cocktails the waitresskept forcing on me. I finally won a handand my tension seemed to abate slightly. The player I beat in the hand asked me what brought me to Vegas and I,out of character, told the table of the wedding.
“Congratulations.” The man said to me. He was a middle aged man with a thickmustache and beer belly. “You should beenjoying the night with you wife.”
“Thank you.” I said. “She is not feeling well.”
“Sorry to hear that. Tell me, how does it feel to be married?” The man asked.
I thought about it for a fewmoments, imagining Rose and her eyes and her pretty pale skin and I felt aflood of happiness.
“I’m married.” I said to nobody save myself. I threw back the drink in front of me andmade my way back to the room, quickly.
VI
Ray walked towards the room,excitement filling him, growing within him. He thought for a moment that maybe they could have a real wedding backin the east in a few months. He insertedthe card key in the door and entered the room as quietly as he could, notwanting to wake her.
He could see immediately shewas not sleeping, indeed not in bed at all. He heard her voice out on the balcony, so he walked slowly towards her,the words slowly becoming clearer.
“He will never know, Ipromise you. By the time he learns ofthe truth, we will be well married. Iwill make him love me, do not worry.”
There was a pause, one thatRay took for Rose listening to someone on the other end of the line. He could see her standing in a hotel robe,holding the phone to her ear, leaning against the railing of the balcony. Ray struggled to breathe, to comprehend.
“He will never learn thetruth. I’ll tell him I had amiscarriage. I’ll never tell him I hadthe abortion.” Rose said.
Ray fell to one knee andclutched his chest. He shook his head,as if to erase the statement from his mind. It did no good and he heard the words again, echoing, ringing inside hisskull, a sharp piercing pain. …I’ll never tell him I had the abortion…
Ray felt his consciousnesswaver for a moment and he gripped the bed for support. His strength was failing him, but enoughremained to hear her words.
“I just want my money.” She said before lapsing once more intosilence.
Ray forced himself to standand with great effort. He felt a slowrage entering his body and the sudden desire to push Rose off the balcony. He stood still and silent for a while,listening to her haggle without hearing many of the words. He shook his head in anger and staggeredtowards the door. He ran down thehallway of the hotel and screamed at the top of his lungs when he was safely inthe elevator.
“FATHER!!!”
Poor Ray. Wasn't expecting that ending. Who cried out father at the end?
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